It was June 13, 2015. My husband was leaving for a golf outing for the weekend in a city about two hours away. I wasn’t thrilled about him leaving since I was thirty weeks pregnant, but I had plans with my mom and sister to keep me busy until I picked my kids upon Sunday evening. We both went our separate ways, intent on enjoying the weekend. He golfed, I shopped, all was well in the world.
Sunday evening, I picked my kids up from their dad’s house and came home, feeling a little sluggish. I had noticed that my babygirl was not as active as usual, but attributed it to being busy all day myself and just not noticing her movements. However, as the night went on, I still wasn’t feeling much movement. I talked to my husband and mentioned that something didn’t feel right and wished he was home. He had carpooled and wasn’t able to come back early. I fell asleep that night and didn’t think much else of it.
The next morning would be the beginning of the worst 24 hours of my life. I woke early in a panic, realizing that I still wasn’t feeling Lexi move at all. I called my ob/gyn’s office and spoke to a nurse. She suggested all the usual things; orange juice, laying on my left side, drinking a lot of water, no success. I called my mom and asked if she could come stay with my kids, and within a half hour, I was on my way to the ER, alone.
I waited forty-five minutes for someone to come into my little exam room. The nurse seemed a little inexperienced, or so I told myself. She wouldn’t say anything with certainty, but expressed the need for the doctor to come in and check for himself. The doctor confirmed my worst fear. I was alone in a hospital room, my husband was two hours away, and my baby was dead.
I had the shortest and worst conversation I’ve had to date with my husband. I confirmed that Lexi had no heartbeat, he said he was on his way. My sister came to sit and cry with me while I waited. I couldn’t make sense of what was happening. I have five beautiful, healthy kids. Is that why God has taken this one from me? Have I had enough children?
The next several hours were a blur as I was moved to labor and delivery and given Pitocin to induce the labor process. I birthed our baby girl naturally late that night, June 15, with my husband, mom, and mother-in-law at my side. It was a peaceful birth, but I’d have given anything to hear her cry in that moment.
We weren’t planning on having a baby since we both have kids from previous marriages, but we were so excited for her arrival. We had already purchased everything and even had a closet full of clothes. There’s not much that’s more heartbreaking than returning items for a baby who will never come home.
In her death, Lexi brought my extended family back together. She taught me to be thankful for every single moment. She taught me to cherish the little things that I now see in our little rainbow baby boy. I am thankful for the many weeks I felt her moving around inside me. Although she will never know life in this world, she had such a positive impact on mine, and I am forever grateful.