I was 20 weeks pregnant with my second son. My
pregnancy with him was pretty normal. I had morning sickness pretty much the entire time. Baby boy was an active one.
I had just come home from spending Christmas in Oklahoma with my family. My oldest son and I came home early because they were expecting some bad weather. The next day, New Year’s Eve, I started having some spotting. I called my doctor’s office and spoke with the Physician’s Assistant that was on call. I was told I probably just burst a blood vessel. She told me to drink plenty of water and lay on my left side and rest for a couple hours. There wasn’t a need to go in unless I was filling up a pad. So after a few hours of resting I got up and the spotting had stopped. Or so I thought. We went about our day. Later that evening I had more spotting, this time it was becoming a brighter red. I told my husband something wasn’t right and I wanted to go to the ER. When we got there I could hardly talk without tears welling up so Todd has to tell them why we were there. When I was admitted they examined me and did an ultrasound. Baby boy was so active the tech had a hard time getting good shots. By this point light cramping had begun. It was determined I was having contractions and my cervix was funneling. We waited over an hour for the on call doctor to get to the hospital. Once she got there she explained the options, such as an emergency cerclage. But after she examined me, it was too late. I was dilated to about a 6 at that point. I was told I had an incompetent cervix. And then she told me the words I knew were coming but didn’t want to hear. I was going to lose this baby.
I was then admitted to labor and delivery where it became a waiting game for my water to break. We discussed names. Benjamin was on our short list and throughout the night Benjamin Michael kept coming to mind. Almost like he was telling me that was his name. I continued to feel Benjamin move around. It wasn’t until between 1:30 and 2:00 a.m. that I couldn’t feel him anymore. Sometime after 7 the doctor broke my water I was given a low dose of Pitocin. My contractions were immediately amped up, I got extremely hot and threw up. They quickly turned it off out of fear that my scar from a precious c-section would rupture. Shortly after it was time to push.
Benjamin Michael was born sleeping at 8:05 a.m January 1, 2018. I held onto him right up until I was discharged from the hospital. Leaving the hospital without him was the hardest, most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to do. New Year’s will forever mean something different to me.