Share Your Story Tuesday- Eisley Jade Goodwin
August 17 2015, we arrived in Panama
City beach Florida. My husband and I walked into target to grab some groceries for the condo and of course being on a beach vacation what’s better than a cold adult beverage?! I jokingly told him “ya know, I was super sleepy on the way down, we had to make a ton of bathroom stops maybe I should take a pregnancy test.” He laughed and shrugged me off with a whatever look on his face, we had been trying for years what made this time any different? I grabbed a test tossed it in the cart and since the next day was my birthday decided to wait until morning to give it a go. Fast forward to 5 AM, and I go into the bathroom, take the test and immediately turn the light out and carry the test to the bedroom thinking DO NOT GET YOUR HOPES UP! I sat down next to my husband who was still sleeping, looked down at the test and screamed at him we need to talk! It was positive! Happy birthday to me! There were no words to describe our feelings we had waited years for this moment and here it was!
I immediately call my sister, she’s my best friend. She is crying so excited for us and says “I have news of my own, I’m pregnant too and if we’ve calculated everything right we are due 11 days apart!” I was so excited to share this experience with her, this was baby number 2 for her so she had been through it and now our kids would be best friends just like we are. Little did we know we were also both expecting girls! The shopping the planning it was amazing we had so much fun talking about the futures of our girls.
Fast forward to December 2 2015, my sister, my mom and I all worked at the same daycare center. My sister had fallen down the stairs and was rushed to the labor and delivery unit where they were monitoring and checking on the baby, and they had told her they couldn’t find the heartbeat. I rushed from work to the hospital to be with her and as I walked in we heard the most beautiful sound a mother can hear! That little thumping heartbeat was strong and all was well. Fast forward again another few hours and we decided to play hookie we didn’t want to go back to work, so shopping it was. As we were shopping my sister and I went to the restroom and that is where my world came crashing down...
I had noticed just the tiniest little pin prick of blood on the toilet paper so immediately I am in panic mode. My sister finds my mom I call my dr and I’m told “it’s probably nothing at all but come in to be safe.” It was probably a 4 minute car ride that felt like eternity, and in my gut I knew something was very very wrong. I sat in the waiting room completely oblivious to everything happening around me. Once back in the room the NP uses the Doppler and nothing but silence, she says well I faintly hear something but I can’t promise it’s the baby so let’s do an ultrasound. I was sent out of the office to an imaging facility and I laid there staring at the screen knowing exactly what was happening, I had asked the tech to just tell me I could see the screen I knew my baby wasn’t moving. She gave me the I can’t say speech and sent me back to the OBGYN office. Once back in the exam room I was given the news that my daughter had no heartbeat, and that she was sorry. She walked out and I sat in silence, no tears, no reaction I was absolutely numb. The NP came back Into the room with my mom sister and I and she had told me I needed to decide if I wanted to spend another night at home with my daughter or if I wanted to immediately go to the hospital to deliver. On top of that I was told I needed to figure out arrangements for her which I guess I hadn’t ever thought Of because why would I?
I finally talked with my husband and we decided to take the night and try to put some pieces together and at least some what prepare for what the following day had in store. Here it is December 3 11:00 a.m. and I get the call that my bed is ready to come in and start the process. I sat in the parking lot for what seemed like ages, and once inside the nurse at the front asked why I was needing seen and all I remember saying is I don’t honestly know. I was placed in a room and we started the process of induction. It was a long emotional day, so many visitors filling the room with love and prayers. Finally at 10:41 p.m. our beautiful daughter Eisley Jade Goodwin was born weighing 4 oz and measuring 7.5 inches long. She was perfect in every way.
I never quite know how to put into words the feeling I had after seeing her and knowing her cause of death. It was almost as though a brick had been removed from my chest knowing that it wasn’t something I had done, it was an absolute accident and nothing could have prevented it. We lost our beautiful girl to a cord accident.
It had not wrapped around her tiny neck once but 4 times. It’s been almost 4 years now and though the days aren’t “better” they are just a bit easier to work through. Grief is tricky and healing takes time. I am so thankful to be her mommy, she taught me so much in her short time with me