My baby girl was not planned at all. I always joked how much fun it'd be to tease her when she was older bc it was literally one time in our 7 years we didn't have some form of protection and I even told my husband eh I won't get pregnant. 2 months later......I had been sick a lot so my nurse co workers were like ya you should take a test. I said nah I'm good. Well, decided that night to take a test........immediate plus sign. I was freaked out. But so happy. I've been wanting a baby for years. We didn't start trying bc of other issues going on. I had a lot of sickness during pregnancy but nothing serious. I had weekly ultrasounds starting at 32 weeks. Her NST never went well bc of an anterior placenta so we just did BPP ultrasounds and she passed them all. I have lots of photos and a couple videos from her ultrasounds. January 18th I was worried. I hadn't felt her much. But I knew she was big already. I was 2 weeks away from my scheduled c section since she was breech. I talked to my husband and mom and they both said she's fine. There's no room. I had no signs of anything bad just she wasn't her active self. I worked the next day and since I work at the hospital I just went upstairs to the ob nurses and said I wasn't really feeling her. They couldn't find a heart beat so they got the ultrasound. My mom and husband both left work because I was scared. I thought ok they're going to need to get her out sooner. She must be weak. The placenta is in the way that's why they can't for sure hear her or tell if it is me or her. Dr came in after the ultrasound and said "I'm sorry Kari we cannot hear a heart beat today." I remember my face getting hot. Me saying no she was fine. Crying. Screaming. Then the shock. I was alone for a while then my mom got there. All I could whisper was she's gone. When my husband got there she told him. My sister in law came right away. Held me in the hospital bed. Both brothers showed up. I had to have a c section but had to wait all day since I had had a piece of toast that morning. 343 pm on January 19th 2018 Emily Elizabeth Jensen was born. She was perfect. Beautiful. We waited to see her until we could be alone without all the nurses so a couple hours since I was recovering from surgery. I was lucky bc the staff was all people I work with so I had my friends taking care of me. I remember seeing her and losing it. My husband sobbing. I've never seen that before. He's cried once with me and that was waking up from anesthesia. I've never seen him so heart broken. More family showed up and we all got to hold our beautiful girl. People left around 9 and I kept her in my arms all night. Giving her back was so painful. She had my nose, forehead, lips. My husband's eyes. She was so beautiful and perfect. The next day we found out it was fetal maternal hemorrhage. So she lost around 50% of her blood and died. No known reason. Everyday since then has been torture. I miss her so much.
