At eighteen years old I found out I was
going to have my very first baby. Although scared I was so excited to become a mom. Becoming a mom is something I always knew I was meant to do. I had a textbook pregnancy. I was so blessed. I never got sick and never had a hard time while pregnant. When my husband and I found out we were having a boy we were so excited. We decorated the nursery and bought blue everything. I was that over prepared mom who just couldn’t wait to meet her son. On January 14th, 2017 I was 39 weeks and 2 days. I began to go into labor, but the pain wasn’t bad enough for me to go to the hospital yet. Waking up on January 15th I couldn’t bare the pain anymore so off we went to labor and delivery. I remember laying in the hospital bed in triage and waiting for the doppler to pick up my sons heartbeat, but it never did. I remember my husband looking over at me with heartbreak in his eyes. In that moment we knew that our son was gone. They instantly started me on medicine to get labor moving. I still had hope the entire time that I was laboring. I didn’t want to admit to myself that he was really gone. On January 16th, 2017 at 4:51 am I delivered my sweet baby boy Gabriel Anthony. He was 6 pounds and 15 ounces of pure perfection. He had dark black curly hair just like his dad and the sweetest lips and cheeks I’ve ever seen. It was like every labor where tears were involved but this time there were tears because all everyone heard was silence. A day that was supposed to be the greatest day of our lives had turned into a day I never want anyone else to have to experience.
That same day I left but I wasn’t leaving with a baby like everyone else. I left with tears in my eyes and a box of Gabriel’s belongings. Over the next week we had so many decisions to make. Where would we bury him? What kind of flowers would we have? Allthese decisions had to be made while we were grieving and could barely move out of bed. We had a beautiful funeral to celebrate Gabriel and the love we had for him. Gabriel would now be almost 2 and a half years old and my heart still breaks that he isn’t hear with us. One thing I asked of Gabriel at his funeral was that when he though his dad and I were ready to have another baby we would be forever grateful. Only two months after delivering Gabriel we were now pregnant again.
I knew that this was a sign from Gabriel that he was alright and wanted us to have another little blessing. Now we have a 1 and a half year old baby boy. Xzavier Gabriel, a beautiful and strong name to honor his big brother. Although I will never get to see them do normal brother things like wrestle or play in mud, I know that the bond they have is much greater. I feel so blessed to be a mother to two baby boys who have changed my life in the greatest way possible.