In July 2015 we found out we would be expecting our third baby. I had a text book pregnancy with cravings of lemon meringue pie, pimento olives, and typical morning sickness. We discovered it was our third son and we named him Quinn. The pregnancy was normal, he was growing beautifully and I had no cause for concerns. I went in for a routine check up on February 9th 2016 at 34 weeks along. At the appointment the doctor was a bit concerned about the growth between my 2 week appointments. She had me go for an ultrasound immediately after that. I called my husband about that concern and told him I would let him know how the ultrasound went. The technician did a growth scan. He was wiggling around and sucking his hand and we both admired how cute he was. She said he was measuring right about 4 ½ to 5lbs. That was perfect. The doctor said it must have been the way he was laying. I called my husband back and told him everything was fine and we went on with our day.
The morning of February 12, 2016 I woke up at 3:30am in the morning concerned. Quinn would always wake me up, with what felt like jumping jacks on my bladder. It was 3:30am and he didn’t wake me up. I went back to sleep thinking I was overreacting. My husband and I woke up in the morning for work and we got our 2 ½ year old twin boys off to their grandparents for the day. I called the doctor’s office when they opened at 8:30am. The nurse had asked me if I had done a kick count. I told her I did one on Thursday, but I hadn’t felt him move since Thursday. Frankly I couldn’t remember exactly when on Thursday. Between running around to pick up my other children, cooking dinner, bath time, bed time, and everything in-between I didn’t have much time to sit and think about his movement. She had me go in right away. It was about 9:15 am and a doctor (not my regular OB) came in the room and said your 34 weeks 5 days along, you were just here on Tuesday. Everything is progressing and looks like you have a scheduled C-section for March 17. I confirmed that was all correct but I was concerned that I hadn’t felt Quinn move. I laid down and she began searching for a heartbeat. Every other time it was immediate, there was no searching. This time was much different. In that moment I knew. I began to cry and the doctor tried to calm me. After another few minutes of trying to find his heartbeat she gave me a hug and said “I don’t know…..go straight to the hospital” somehow I managed to drive myself to the hospital. I was holding out for hope. I kept telling myself maybe it was a bad Doppler, or he was lying in a strange position. My husband met me at the hospital and there was an attending doctor that came in with an ultrasound machine. She scanned my belly, as soon as I looked at the screen I knew. Where there was a baby boy a couple days ago fluttering around with a strong heartbeat, now he laid still. The doctor looked at me and said “You know what I am going to say”…..I shook my head yes and in that moment a part of my soul had escaped my body. It was about 10:20am. It was disbelief. It was so surreal and inconceivable. Just 72 hours before that I had heard my beautiful son’s heartbeat and saw him wiggling around on an ultra sound monitor. After a few minutes we called our parents and both of our fathers were the first to arrive at the hospital. Medical professionals we coming in and throwing questions at us, do you want photos? What funeral home should we call? Do you want him baptized? How could this be us…I was putting the final touches on his nursery, reading books to my 2 ½ year old twin boys about becoming big brothers. How am I planning his funeral?
By 3:30pm they were pushing me into the operating room…the same operating room I had been in before with my twins. The whole operation was a fog. The doctors delivered him and they said 4 pounds 7 ounces. They went to measure him and I heard the nurse say “oh you are a big boy” that broke my heart. Maybe he would have grown up to be 6’ 4” like his daddy and played basketball. That was a dream I would never see. They put a light green hat on him, and wrapped him up in a white cotton blanket. He was born with beautiful strawberry blond hair, a button nose, and the cutest lips. He was absolutely perfect. We had 43 hours with Quinn. We had many family members and close friends come to visit and meet Quinn. I spent 2 nights with him by my side. Between trying to get some rest, I would just hold him and tell him about his family and how he will always be my son and I won’t let anyone forget him.
After delivery I underwent testing to determine what happened to Quinn. I was diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. It caused clotting in the cord and the placenta. According to the pathology results his placenta was also on the smaller side. Between those two things it was too much for my baby boy to survive.
With the help of blood thinners and close medical monitoring I did go on to have a rainbow baby, another boy. His name is Jacen Quinn Masten. He has brought our family so much hope and joy after losing his brother. Quinn will forever be a part of our family, our store, and our life. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of him.
“You are my darling, my angel, my star, and my love will find you were ever you are.”
